Beautiful Happiness
I am everything, therefore I am nothing

I recently learned that I was not black, or colored, or a minority. This was a literal surprise to me, as my biological father and the man that raised me, the man that I call and text with silly stories or questions about life is African-American. One side of my family is entirely made up of black people.

Apparently because my skin color more closely resembles my mother who is of Swedish and German decent, I am not a minority. Consequently getting half my genes from my brown father doesn’t make me black or brown or anything. It doesn’t even qualify me as “mixed”. Apparently the unfortunate one-drop rule does not apply to me. According to others it is completely valid for them to tell me who and what I am.

Apparently because others are not sure what I am, I am either nothing, whatever they deem to be true, or it’s a literal debate. Better yet, I should not be offended when my race and identity is in question and taken from me.  Apparently because I am light- skinned, pale  or as I like to call myself clear I am not allowed to be outraged, educated, or an advocate about race issues.

It’s irrelevant that I have spent years reading and studying race issues from a variety of angles and continue to do so. I am told it is strange that I have a connection, passion, or that I give two fucks that about the continuous struggle that brown people face day in and out. Apparently I am not a part of the African-American community because my light skin confuses people and makes them uncomfortable. Apparently speaking about race issues and injustices I see and read about daily makes me a person that asks and looks for drama. Clearly, I am the problem because I do not want to live in a world where people are treated unfairly or unjustly due to their skin color. It is so obvious that I am looking for a fight because I believe in equality.

Due to the fact that what I am, what I look like debunks people’s perception and understanding of race. Due to others ignorance I am told that I should stop talking and caring about race issues. I should get off my soap box. Apparently I should be okay with people defining my identity, and stripping me of a heritage and pride that is rightly mine to be a part of. I guess speaking up just makes me an angry black woman, but I am too light for that. So there’s that.  

Red Flags

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If you do not eat eggs we can end this right now.  We all have things we cant deal with in a partner for a variety of reasons. One of my major reasons to reject someone is if they do not eat eggs. Why you might ask?

Well I love eggs, and I find it strange and suspect for someone to not eat them.  Eggs benedict, hard boiled, poached, scrambled, sunny side up, over medium, fried, soft boiled, baked. I’m sure you can even BBQ an egg (now I have to try that). Duck eggs, quail eggs, ostrich eggs, I bet you could even eat gator eggs.

So many options and yet people claim they don’t do eggs? It’s cheap healthy protein, what the fuck is wrong with you? The texture changes based of how they are prepared. If you can’t find a way to eat eggs, you are obviously defective and should stay the fuck away from me.

I also have proof of defective people that do not eat eggs. 

I was robbed.

I recently had yet another lesson is dealing with entitles people, these types of lessons are tired and old. I try to be a nice individual that trust folks, gives them the benefit of  the doubt and supports other young people/entrepreneurs, unfortunately this does not always go well…

A few months ago I hired a mobile shoe service and then all hell broke loose, well if you are a fashionista this is hell. Otherwise you might just not understand the pain and suffering I have experienced from this stupidity.

My personal headache with started when I met the “proprietor” out last summer, he was a nice enough guy, we had a bunch of mutual acquaintances. When he told me what he did, he was a cobbler… As shoe junkie I was happy to support a young local business as I too have a young local business, and strongly believe in supporting young entrepreneurs and craftsmen. We really did not keep in touch, but I kept him in mind for some shoes I needed repaired.

Fast forward to January, when I called to have my shoes picked up, as Patinas had transitioned into a mobile service. Alexander came to my house at 8am to pick up my shoes that needed repair; five pairs (4 heels, one pair of flats). He requested I pay upfront, being that it was early in the morning, we had numerous mutual contacts, and he is a young business with hesitation agreed. Thankfully I wrote a check tragically it was for nearly $250. What I was told I was buying was a six pair sole and heel package, the remaining pair I could call in at any time. A receipt would be emailed to me, and my shoes would be done in 10-14 days. FIRST RED FLAG!

10 days later I call to inquire about my shoes, they are not ready. Day 14, I get voicemail. Day 20 I get hung up on. This persisted. I sent emails, Facebook messages, texts. I get no response. At this point I was more than worried.

Eventually I get a weird and vague communication from Alexander’s “assistant”. It is a series of emails, where this individual is first telling me I cannot write bad reviews or truths online about said fuckery that is happening with my missing shoes, then the dude is flat out rude claiming they don’t have my shoes. Um but they did. Nothing is resolved, and then I am blocked from any means of contacting the business and its owner. WHO FUCKING DOES THAT!?!?!?!

In March 3 months later I run into Alexander, I am bartending as a favor for a friend at an event and he stupidly hands me his phone to charge. I took this as an opportunity to leave and maybe get his attention to give me my shit back. You stole from me, I will steal from you. In my head this was a great plan, in reality this is pretty childish.  This yahoo chases me down, not gonna lie dude is SCARY and was aggressive. We have a hostile and rude exchange in front of the police, how I wish I would have chucked his phone in the street. I eventually gave it back as he proceeded to call me a peon and other nasty names, denying having my shoes.

In April I see this individual at another event, he laughs as I walk away knowing good and well what is up. I had the desire to chuck a chair at him, but that’s crazy and unrealistic. Instead I prayed karma would punch him in the face, because in the end that’s all you can do in certain situations.

Of course like any sane fashion junky who has been scorned, robbed and fucked over I discuss this tragedy with everyone including my lawyer friend. It is decided I have to sue dude. Considering he has taken over $1500 worth of my property plus the money I paid him this was actually a felony. Can you believe that?!?!

Literally as I am prepping to sue this questionable character calls, talk about timing. He claims there was a mix up, he indeed has my shoes and will drop them off later that day. I give him my work address via a text and email. No response.

He shows up the next morning, doesn’t say a word and shows me the 4 heels he has repaired. The work is not bad, I have had much better work done elsewhere without the drama. I inquire about my gold flats, give a description and am told he would look for them. No apology, no explanation given, nothing.

An hour later, I get an email asking for the shoes to be described, which I find odd considering that I just did this, and that I would get an apology letter later in the day. In my response I suggest a refund, my other shoes found/returned or replaced, only to be answered with “I never had your flats, and a link to his website. No apology, no receipt.

Funny, he doesn’t have my flats like he didn’t have my shoes, like he did not remember who I was in March before he decided I was all these terrible random things, and cursed me out.

The lies, deception and utter disregard for customer service and human decency is too much.  I responded professionally requesting a refund, shoes replacement, receipt, and apology. FINALLY this clown responds saying he never had my gold flats and saying I never bought a 6 shoe repair package and that one of the shoes were repaired on the house. The lies. Oh the lies! I am still wondering what my point would be in lying and why my story not his is consistent. He cannot be that stupid, or maybe he is? Who knows. I respond, he essentially ignores any of the actual issues, sends me a faux receipt that he clearly had JUST made up leaving off my flats. At this point I have already reviewed him in a variety of places and happily am telling everyone not to use him! THEN he sends shitty ass apology, and a $85 gift certificate for shoe repair.

Wait what? Why would I use your shoe service again? I still have missing shoes because of this stupidity. This is just too much. Foolio neglects to respond to my request for my flats to be replaced, nor responds to my suggestion he use that resource for business etiquette classes.

While I am elated that I have my heels back, the reality the work Bourne did was mediocre and his customer service is HORRIBLE! I will chalk this up as a lesson to be careful who I choose to do business with. This whole exchange was really frustrating, and unprofessional. At this point I am out a pair of flats, it’s not the end of the world but it is disappointing. It’s unfortunate that someone feels entitled to treat others in this manner, to deceive and steal

Creating delusions

When you lie no one wins.

I had a whole year worth of an on and off drama that was a whirlwind of lies. I can’t say that I did not participate in the lies, well technically I was innocent because I neither was asked nor I never fessed up. I guess I was lying by default of not disclosing. Anyhoo the point was the other party was a bold face pathological liar, and his excuses ranged from “work” to “I’m just living my life” (like everyone else was rushing to die. OK sir, you are a well-educated moron, by I digress). That whole experience of lies on lies on lies, sprinkled with more lies, covered up by lies, hugged and smothered in lies made me even more sensitive and agitated by lies.

No one wins from lying.

Per that experience I strongly feel that not saying anything is not a lie, it’s not honest maybe but it’s not a lie. Due to that grey space of not lying but not being honest I since have learned that I need to be upfront with my personal actions, intentions, and motivations rather than allow anyone to participate in the dark. NO one should be deceived, but we all are. The truth has become shocking because we are used to lies, worse we comfortable with lies.

But no one wins from lies.  

Post dealing with Satan’s nephew. Rewind to a few months ago when I met this charming, attractive, nice enough guy from out of town. Allegedly educated. Allegedly single. Allegedly kid less. We had some drinks, exchanged numbers and that was pretty much it. We ended up following each other on Instagram. He constantly liked my pictures, made comments, flattering, slightly aggressive and a tad obnoxious but what am I going to do. It was all relatively harmless.

Per our Instagram “friendship”, I notice dude has a daughter….. Lie #1, this should have clued me into him being a big ol’ phoney. I then start to ignore him; mind you he constantly is asking to see me when he is in town. Lucky for me I always have plans (the win goes to being busy or as the devils relative used to say ‘living my life’- how I loathe douche catch phrases). I can’t stand last minute people, but that’s a different rant. So avoiding Mr. Charming was relatively easy.

Fast forward to me being bored at work. Scrolling my IG, Mr. Charming posts 2 pictures of a baby and I am like ohh that’s nice, and then I look at the hashtag #minime and I am like #waitwhat. How do you have a baby???? Soo like any normal bored female I investigate. The baby moms IG page is FULL of the happy couple. Then I notice that Mr. Charming has deleted most his suspect commentary on my images. Then I notice his one picture of the two of them with all kinds of loving hashtags #boo #wifey #love and I automatically feel terribly sorry for this beautiful potentially unsuspecting woman.

No one wins from lying.

I didn’t get more involved than my lil’ snoop session, but it made me think. Just about my own actions and intentions. About past ridiculousness, about how women perceive other women as threats and or the aggressor. How when I was lied to and deceived I luckily was able to put my frustration and anger on the perpetrator. In my situation I was very aware that I, and any other woman involved in the web of lies were all victims. Not everyone comes to that conclusion. Too often women blame other women. In reality when we lie we are victimizing everyone we lie too. We are not allowing them to live in a reality. We are not allowing them to make a fair choice to participate or not.

No one wins from lying.

 The whole snoop session made me sad. This woman from the photo has a deceitful boo, something I can relate to. His happens far too much. The funny thing is more people would appreciate honesty. I know in my year of lies, had dude been forthcoming with all of his actions, intentions, and deceptions I would have been able to walk away much sooner. I would not have had my feelings hurt so badly. Had we had genuine communication we might have remained friends. I might not have been so opposed to his extracurricular activities, but he lied.

No one wins from lying.

Post reflecting on these various lies I had to think about all the times I have witnessed lies. Who do people think they are protecting. What do you think you will gain from lying? Let me tell you, NOTHING. Lies always come to the light. Lies create drama. Lies create problems. Lies ruin friendships, relationships, and they kill trust, past, present, and future. Lying makes you look stupid, especially when you are caught.

No one wins from lying.,

Lying is disrespectful, tacky, and childish. No one wins when you lie. Lying is damaging, harmful, and toxic, and yet we hear and believe more lies daily than truths. Yet No one wins from lying.

No one wins when you lie. Not even the liar.

No one wins from lying. 

Hey, after reading your most recent post, I'm curious; 1. Do you happen to have rooms for rent? 2. Where are you located? 3. What are you specifying for requirements?

Check out airbnb.com Where you trying to be?

I am a bad host

This happened this weekend…

I have two apartments in NOLA, which I bounce between, hosting guests for shirt term stays. It’s kind of like having my own bed in breakfast or something. It sounds crazier than it is, or maybe I am just used to my crazy. With that said, I am mostly very professional and on top of things. Not perfect but I am in no means a mess or a drunk (ok sometime I am but shhh not always). Last weekend I hosted a group of very needy girls.

The communication beforehand was over the top, uber annoying requests (a hair dryer, pancake mix, etc) and I just dealt with it, they checked in early without a hitch, they were left a clean apartment, linens, breakfast items, dessert, snacks, a bottle of wine, done deal. I resumed my life. Busy all day Saturday, taking my son to the airport, errands all while getting over a really bad cold (like 102 fever for two days bad). All day running around I didn’t eat, though I did buy a croissant at one point. I think the dog got it.  In the afternoon I went to a fundraiser I had to attend, and I had a few cocktails, HORRIBLE decision.

I woke up in my bed, no pants, in my home that was rented out.

Passed out in the bed, with literally no memory, I looked at this stranger and asked here “who she was and why she was in my house”. Standing over me was a very snarky guest that had no sense of humor or understanding that life happens. Rudely reminded me that she had rented my entire place and was demanding why I was there, what I was doing. I finally snapped too and was mortified. Personally I would have been a bit confused as a guest, but I would have found the humor in the mess. I also would not have been an utter bitch because all smart people know; being a cunt gets you nowhere fast.

 Seriously I would have been on the floor laughing, probably taken a selfie and blasted the fuck out of this fool on IG. Her, not so much. The guest proceeded to demand that I get the fuck out because again SHE HAD RENTED MY ENTIRE APARTMENT.

I super confused apologized to the VERY rude girl and her calm friends, vaguely explained myself and left to catch a cab to my other apartment.

Sunday morning I apologized profusely and was ignored. Later that day the leader of that group contacted me to demand a refund, chick was rather rude about a solution- threatening me with a bad review or she’ll report me? This is airbnb, nit the mafia sister. I am an independent contractor and she still stayed at the apartment. I am usually very professional and normal with all of this, but I am not perfect as I literally became the pant less broad that got threatened over a drunk incident of being on auto pilot. OOPS.

For a moment I was really worried about what was going to happen, lose money, bad review. I eventually calmed down and contacted the customer service center. Lucky me saucy made a threat and I am off the hook. I still have no idea what happened, I don’t think I drank that much. Based off our exchange Sunday evening I was confident this young lady is going to try and “ruin” me, those were her exact words. I don’t do threats., and lucky for me I came out on top. I also don’t take life that serious because I still think its really terrible, but also really really funny in a I hope that never happens again kind of way.

I learned a valuable lesson, don’t drink on an empty stomach or you will become a pant less broad that gets threatened. My struggles are never dull. 

Everything happens for a reason.

Everything happens for a reason.

Yesterday I went out on an errand with my mini, and as I left the house I grabbed a stack of cash I had laying out (yea I do that) and shoved it in my jeans pocket, with every intent of spending said money on a few items. As we walked through the neighborhood we stopped and got a snack, I peeled a twenty from my stack and slid the money back in my denim. As we wandered towards the destination of the day we saw one of our favorite street performers. We stopped, and I again pulled some cash from my pocket to drop in the bucket.

We eventually wandered through the streets to the shop in question and as I went to make my purchase I drew an empty pocket. The money was gone. I emptied all my pockets in hope I was delirious and I came up short. Fifteen dollars and some silver change was all I had left. I dropped over a hundred dollars in the street. Rather agitated I made a small purchase and we optimistically retraced our steps. I knew the money was gone. Feeling disappointed in a easily avoidable mistake I trotted down the street hoping someone who needed that money more than me found it. There is no way knowing but I hope.

As I went into my building I had a nostalgic feeling. For whatever reason I was suppose to lose that money. Not because I could afford to, because I can’t, but because I needed to learn something.

  • Stop making stupid mistakes.
  • Stop rushing.
  • Be patient.  
  • Save more, spend less.
  • Money is fluid.
  • Look for the lessons, not the disappointment.
  • Be present.

As shitty as I have been feeling, losing a chunk of change has never felt so calming.

Everything happens for a reason. Recently I have been in a really bad mood, spririling. Everything has seemed like some kind of tragic labrynth of doom. I have been unable to pull myself out of the funk. I have stopped writing. I have not been creative, the one thing that feeds me. Work has me on edge, my man friends all seem to be rubbing me the wrong way (and no one wants that) I am drifting away from friends, not really due to them or anything that has happened I am just in a fog of my own confusement. Parenting is yet the ever struggle, and as cliché as it is sleep seems to be the only solace.

The odd thing is nothing has really been wrong. Money is flowing, work is work, not perfect but I am gainfully employed and without my side everything’s it would support me. I have admirers, and I enjoy our time. I choose to keep my distance and not commit. In so many ways I am fulfilled and in control and yet I feel like a tumbleweed, without direction, without purpose. Which in reality could not be farther from the truth.

I could ramble myself in circles of my perpetual lost state but for why. I was reminded of a valuable lesson. I am not sure exactly what it is other than there is a lesson in everything, and I am oddly ok with that. Perhaps that in itself was or is the lesson. Better yet I feel ready and recharged to reclaim myself, my needs, and my direction. 

When my married friend comments that men don’t hit on her now that she has a ring on her finger

myfriendsaremarried:

and I’m like…

#dead

When my married friend tells me it’s not cute or fun to sleep with multiple guys anymore

myfriendsaremarried:

and I’m just like…

The perks of single life.

Do we get to choose what changes  us?

Do we get to choose what changes us?